Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I need to calm my uterus...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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