Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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