I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
