i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
