laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
