11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
