She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
