If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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