Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
