take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
