we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
