so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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