I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it's like iHOP with fire
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
