i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
