Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
