I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
