Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
