You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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