peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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