i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
