When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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