it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
