i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
