there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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