I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
