Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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