I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
