just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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