im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
