Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
