When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
