ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
