My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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