As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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