ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
