seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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