Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
