my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
