If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
