My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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