We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
