wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
