considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
