omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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