Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
