What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
