Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
