I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
did i just pee glitter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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