I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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