Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
