If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
