Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
