So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
