pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
