There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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